to all his Monfters. You who took care to go down into the Country unlike a Poet, I hope will take care not to come up again like a Politician; for then, you will add a new Monfter to the Coffee-house, that was never seen there before. So you may come back again in your Soldier's Coat, for in that you will no more be fufpected for a Politician than a Poet. Pray come upon any Terms, for you are wished for by every body; but most wanted by your

Affectionate Friend and Servant,

W. CONGREVE..

LETTER XCIII.

To Congreve at Tunbridge.

Dear Sir,

MY Bufinefs and my Thanks for your Kindnefs, you will find in the Inclos'd, which I had fent by the laft Poft, had not an Accident hinder'd it. All the Return that I can make you at prefent is, to acquaint you with fuch News as we have. Our Friend Mr. went laft Friday to the Bath: he promis'd to write to me from that Place: but it would be unreasonable indeed to expect it. For W takes up his Afternoons; and his Mornings, I fuppofe, are spent in Contemplation at the Cross-Bath. Moft of your Friends at the Coffee-house are difpers'd; fome are retreated into the Country, in hopes of fome Favours which they expect from the Muses; two or three of them are retired in Town, to ruminate on fome Favours which they. have received from their Miftreffes..

So

So that the Coffee-houfe is like to grow into Reputation again. For if any one gives it the fcandalous Denomination of the Wits Coffeehouse, he must call it fo by Antiphrafis, because there comes no Wit there. Here are two or three indeed, who fet up for Wits at home, and endeavour to pafs for wife at the Coffeehoufe; for they hold their Tongues there. Indeed the Coffee-houfe is generally the Exchange for Wit, where the Merchants meet without bringing the Commodity with them, which they leave at home in their Warehouses, alias their Closets, while they go abroad to take a prudent Care for the vending it. But you are of the Number of thofe happy few, who fo abound in hereditary Poffeffions, and in rich Returns from Greece and from Italy, that you always carry fome of it about you, to be liberal to your Friends of that which you fell to Strangers. Mr. -- babbles eternally according to his old Rate, and as extravagantly as if he talked to himself; which he certainly does, if no body minds him any more than I do. He has been just now inquiring what fort of Diftemper the Spleen is; an infallible Sign that he is the only Man in Covent Garden who does not know that he is an Afs. To make him fenfible what the Spleen is, I could find in my heart to fhew him himself, and give it him. If any thing reftrains me from being revenged of his Impertinence this way, 'tis the Confideration that will make him wifer. This Coxcomb naturally puts me in mind of the Stage, where they have lately acted fome new Plays; but had there been more of them, I would not fcruple to affirm, that the Stage is at present a Defart and a barren Place, as fome Part of Af

rica is faid to be, tho' it abounds in Monsters. And yet thofe prodigious Things have met with Succefs; for a Fool is naturally fond of a Monfter, because he is incapable of knowing a Man. While you drink Steel for your Spleen at Tunbridge, I partake of the Benefit of the Course ; for the Gaiety of your Letters relieves me confiderably then what muft your Converfation do? Come up and make the Experiment, and impart that Vigour to me, which Tunbridge has restored to you. I am

Your most humble Servant,

JOHN DENNIS

LETTER XCIV.

Madam,

Mr. Smith to Lady

PAying a Vifit Yesterday to Mrs.

I was

inform'd of your Ladyfhip's Displeasure : what fhould occafion your Indignation, I cannot well apprehend: I'do affure you, no Man living has a greater Veneration for your Ladyfhip, or has been readier upon all Occafions to teftify it to the World. To convince you of the Truth of what I fay, I will relate to you what happen'd laft Saturday; by which it will appear, that I have been fo far from ridiculing your Ladyfhip, which is the Accufation you faften upon me, that none could have given greater Demonstration of his Refpect for being in Company where Mention was made of your Ladyfhip, not fo honourable indeed, as I could

have wifhed, or your Quality and Character might have required: I took Occafion to do Juftice to your Merit. Gentlemen, faid I, you do my Lady wrong; for my own Part, I muft profefs, I think her a very agreeable Woman. You cannot be serious fure, replies a certain Gentleman, who had more Malice than Wit; in my whole Life, I never faw fo hideous a Complexion. Sir, faid I, 'tis unjustly done to find Fault with a Complexion, which is none of her own; if her Face: difpleafes you, blame her Woman who made it. But I hope, return'd he, you will not deny but that fhe is red-hair'd: with Submiffion, Sir, I do; to my certain Knowledge, The has not one Hair on her Head. But then, her Teeth, all the World must allow, are execrable. I deny it, Sir, for fhe has but one that is bad. But you muft grant me, her Chin is too long by three Inches. But do you apprehend the Reafon? 'Tis becaufe her Neck is too fhort by two. I fee, Sir, faid he, with fome little Heat, you are obftinately bent to oppose the Power of Truth; but I hope you are not fo far prejudicid, as to maintain her Breath to be fweet. That Infirmity, Sir, reply'd I, is the Effect of the Foulness of her Lungs, and not of her Mouth; and if her Lungs are rotten, is it her Ladyfhip's Fault, or Nature's?. And then, her Gait, fays he, is the moft difagreeable in the World. You have betray'd at once, Sir, faid I, both your Malice and Ignorance; if you had the leaft Acquaintance with her Ladyfhip, you must have known better: alas! poor Lady! fhe has not walked without Crutches these ten Years. But then, her Conduct, I hope, you will not undertake to justify that: how does it

become

become old Eve, think you, to patch and paint, intrigue, read Romances, and Love-Verses, talk fmuttily, look amorously, dress youthfully; infomuch, that if it were not for her Looks, you could not distinguish her from her Daughter? Under Favour, Sir, you mistake, 'tis her Granddaughter you mean. And then to keep a young Fellow of five and twenty to fatisfy her brutal Luft. 'Tis false, I have heard Mr. a thousand times fhe was infatiable.

affirin

He would have proceeded in his Defamations, but I defired him to omit all farther Difcourfe on that Subject, for that I could not, with Patience, fupport, that a Woman of your Ladyfhip's Merit, and Virtue, and a Woman for whom I had fo particular an Honour, should be fo impudently vilify'd and blafphem'd to my Face.

I hope by this time you are made fenfible, Madam, that I am quite another Person than you apprehend me to be, and that I am fo far from having any disrespectful Thoughts of your Ladyfhip, that no one of your Grand-children, the neareft Relation you have remaining, could have gone farther in your Vindication. But I would not have you attribute my Defence of your Ladyfhip altogether to Refpect; give it a tenderer, and a truer Name, and call it Love. I fay Love, for let me die, Madam, if I have not a violent Paffion for your Ladyfhip. I know you may very well fufpect the Truth of what I fay; for Love in me, you will tell me, ought to imply Beauty in you. But Love, you know very well, creates Beauty no less frequently, than Beauty does Love. And if by the Help of Imagination, I can find out Charms in you, which