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Changes to a Bedchamber in the Lord's Houfe.
Enter Sly with Attendants, fome with apparel, bason and ewer, and other appurtenances. Re-enter Lord.
MOR God's fake, a pot of fmall ale.
2 Serv. Will't please your Honour taste of these Conferves?
3 Serv. What raiment will your Honour wear today?
Sly. I am Chriftophero Sly, call not me Honour, nor Lordship: 'I ne'er drank fack in my life: and if you give me any Conferves, give me Conferves of beef. Ne'er afk me what raiment I'll wear, for I have no more doublets than backs, no more ftockings than legs, nor no more fhoes than feet; nay, fometimes, more feet than fhoes; or fuch fhoes as my toes look through the over-leather.
Lord. Heav'n cease this idle humour in your Ho
Oh, that a mighty man of fuch descent, Of fuch poffeffions, and fo high esteem, Should be infused with fo foul a spirit!
Sly. What would you make me mad? am not I Christophero Sly, old Sly's Son of Burton-heath, by birth a pedlar, by education a card-maker, by tranfmutation a bearherd, and now by prefent poffeffion a tinker? afk Marian Hacket, the fat ale-wife of Wincot, if the know me not; if she say, I am not fourteen pence on the score for sheer ale, fcore me up for the lying'st knave in Christendom. What, I am not beftraught: here's
1 Man. Oh, this it is that makes your lady mourn. 2 Man. Oh, this it is that makes your fervants droop.
Lord. Hence comes it, that your kindred fhun your houfe,
As beaten hence by your ftrange lunacy.
Oh, noble Lord, bethink thee of thy birth,
Or wilt thou fleep? we'll have thee to a couch,
Say, thou wilt walk, we will beftrow the ground:
1 Man. Say, thou wilt courfe, thy greyhounds are
As breathed ftags; ay, fleeter than the roe.
2 Man. Doft thou love pictures? we will fetch thee ftrait
Adonis, painted by a running brook ;
And Citberea all in fedges hid;
Which feem to move and wanton with her breath,
Lord. We'll fhew thee Io, as fhe was a maid,
3 Man. Or Daphne roaming through a thorny
Scratching her legs, that one fhall fwear the bleeds:
And at that fight fhall fad Apollo weep:
So workmanly the blood and tears are drawn.
Than any woman in this waining age.
1 Man. And 'till the tears, that she hath fhed for thee,
Like envious floods, o'er-ran her lovely face,
Sly. Am I a Lord, and have I fuch a Lady?
2 Man. Wilt please your Mightiness to wash your hands?
Oh, how we joy to fee your wits restor❜d!
Oh, that once more you knew but what you are!
Sly. These fifteen years! by my fay, a goodly nap: But did I never fpeak of all that time?
1 Man. Oh, yes, my Lord, but very idle words.
And fay, you would prefent her at the * Leet,
3 Man. Why, Sir, you know no house; nor no fuch maid;
Nor no fuch men, as you have reckon❜d up;
Leet,] At the Court leet, or courts of the manor.
As Stephen Sly, and old John Naps of Greece,
And twenty more fuch names and men as thefe,
Sly. Now Lord be thanked for my good amends!
Sly. By th'Mafs, I think I am a Lord indeed. What is thy name?
Man. Sim, an't please your Honour.
Sly. Sim? that's as much as to fay, Simeon or Simon; put forth thy hand and fill the pot.
The fervant gives him drink.]
I thank thee;
thou shalt not lose by it.
Lady. How fares my noble Lord?
Sly. Marry, I fare well, for here is cheer enough. Where's my wife?
Lady. Here noble Lord, what is thy will with her? Sly. Are you my wife, and will not call me hufband?
My men fhould call me Lord, I am your good man. Lady. My husband and my Lord, my Lord and hufband ;
I am your wife in all obedience.
Sly. I know it well: what must I call her?
Sly. Alce madam, or Joan madam?
Lord. Madam, and nothing elfe, fo Lords call La
[dies. Sly. Come, fit down on my knee. Sim, drink to her. Madam wife, they fay, that I have dream'd, and flept above some fifteen years and more.
Lady. Ay, and the time feems thirty unto me, Being all this time abandon'd from your bed.
Sly. 'Tis much.--Servants, leave me and her alone. Madam, undress you, and come now to bed.—Sim, drink to her.
Lady. Thrice noble Lord, let me entreat of
For your Phyficians have exprefly charg'd,
Sly. Ay, it ftands fo, that I may hardly tarry fo long; but I would be loath to fall into my dream again I will therefore tarry in defpight of the flesh and the blood.
S CENE VI
Enter a Meffenger.
Mell. Your Honour's Players, hearing your amendment,
Are come to play a pleasant comedy;
Seeing too much fadnefs hath congeal'd your blood;
Therefore, they thought it good you hear a play,
Sly. Marry, I will; let them play; is it not a Commodity? a Christmas gambol, or a tumbling trick? Lady. No, my good Lord, it is more pleasing stuff. Sly. What, houshold stuff?
Lady. It is a kind of history.
Sly. Well, we'll fee't: come, Madam wife, fit by my fide, and let the world flip, we fhall ne'er be younger.